Handle With Care-Relationships!

build-relationshipsSo finally I dialled the number and the bell rang. While the bell was ringing, I was still unsure about my decision. A voice deep inside was asking me, “Why me always?” Amidst this confusion the phone was picked up from the other side.
“Hello, is it Neelima?” I asked.
“Yes, this is Neelima. Who’s this?” a voice answered from the other side.
“Neelima, Suhaani this side” I exclaimed with excitement. All of a sudden, the line seemed to have gone dead and there was absolute silence from the other side.
“Yes Suhaani. How are you?” Neelima asked hesitatingly, as if lost in some sort of dilemma.
“I am fine dear. It’s your birthday today and I want to make a new start. There will always be a time for clarifications later, but today let’s just talk about all the good things” I said.
“I also missed you all this while” Neelima replied in her old effervescent tone.
Sounds familiar?
Communication indeed is the key to better relationships, but somehow it gets thrown out of the window when time comes to practically implement the theory. People, who used to mean the world to us, are lost into oblivion as life progresses forward. But one can’t deny all the heartache this moving on entails. We do miss them in good times and also when life is passing through a rough patch. Then what stops us from taking the first step, to revisit those by-lanes of past, where once laughter used to echo and joy used to bloom? We know for sure, that place is going to be our safe haven in this otherwise strange world but still we resist the temptation.
The ugly truth of society is, that today everyone is dealing with their own insecurities and we never attempt to delve deeper into people. We are so much stuck with judging people, that all the love is lost in the process. If we Judge, we can’t love; and if we love, then we can’t judge. Imagine if a dear one has to constantly pass the acid test of portraying his/her best behaviour, then where is the scope left for him/her to remain human. Believe me; this pressure to be at one’s best can kill anyone.
Why do we need relationships for?
To settle a score?
To prove a point?
Don’t we need them to cherish the basic camaraderie, which only perhaps a human is capable of?
The reason why relationships go sour is that our expectations kill those relationships. We want a person to behave in a certain manner all the time and the moment the behaviour deviates from the expectation, the feelings also change. First feelings change from our side and then they are just reciprocated. Then we get stuck in the vicious loop of reciprocation of what we had never intended it to be, right from the outset. So more than the behaviour of the person, what we think about that behaviour, determines the fate of that relationship. Our mind creates endless thoughts about a particular person and the thought which appeals us the most, at a particular point of time, becomes our assumed reality. This is the reason that sometimes we regret saying certain things, but a moving arrow and spoken words are known to have caused more damage to the world than anything else.
Ok, accepted that such things may happen, but why do we fail to communicate the reason behind our changed feelings, especially when we value the relationship so much? It just takes a visit or even a call to explain yourself and chances are that the other person will tell you a tale, that will make you curse yourself for severing the ties for a non-existent issue.
Imagine our relationship with our mother; howsoever badly we may have fought, but after some time everything goes back to normalcy. The reason is-our mind is conditioned to believe that mother has our best interests in her heart. We never doubt her intentions, and so we develop the most unbreakable bond with our mothers.
I have made this a rule for myself, that if at all a relationship really matters to me at a deeper level; then I tell my ego to shut up and sit in the corner. I am not ashamed in making that first call or visit, if I sincerely miss a loved one. So far, my experience has been very satisfying, as every time I am embraced with open arms. True feelings never go unnoticed, as they speak through the crinkling of the eyes, through the open laughter of the heart. Often, I have realized, it’s not only me who suffer, but the other person also suffers equally, if not more.
If she didn’t come, then she might have got stuck. If he didn’t call, then it might have really skipped his mind. If she was harsh, then perhaps she must have been hurt. Very often, we are not generous enough to give the benefit of doubt to others, and at the same time, never fail to doubt intentions of others.
It’s ok to lose sometimes, even if you stand a chance to win. Before jumping into an argument, always decide, what matters you the most- the relationship or the argument? Inherently, we all are same and we all are good only in different proportions. We all need to be loved, respected and cared for. We have similar aspirations from life and similar insecurities. Everyone is fighting a battle of his own. If only we can see a loved one more closely and see beyond what meets the eye, then half of the problems will be solved.

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